Everton 0 - 1 Newcastle

i cant see why anyone would begrudge the Pope of sports reporting his state-sponsored visit to Goodison Park to produce for us another mini masterpiece of insightful eloquence.


where are Everton rooted, Phil?
- in the bottom 3

what was King Arfa (you can borrow that if you want, Phil) doing at half-time?
-having a stroke

gar. misread that one. sorry. take 2 :

at what resonant tocsin indicative of the half time interval did Arfa score?
-the stroke

as well as being rooted there where are the guys at everton also languishing?
-near the bottom

what was Tom Howard forced to do?
-palm away joey barton

shortly after, what did king arfa deliver of the indefinable essence which made of him a hot property?
- a taste

Phil - how did moyes get life into his side?
-he injected it, it says here

and what did Coleman get on the ball?
-a touch

and was that an example of Coleman's balls?
-(unusually, Phil fails to answer this question)


Verdict.

Phil, you made this game sound like a homosexual orgy in a catholic seminary, a brilliant, if disturbing metaphor for the BBC's approach to sports journalism.

further evidence of your use of Burrough's cut-up tecnique can be found in your concluding remark : "Newcastle held on for three deserved win".

a brave experiment in literary sports writing, but a bit pervy.

5/10.